Dream Come True

Went to Emerald Avenue in Pasig this afternoon. This is the place where I have taken 3 TOEFL iBT exams at 2 different testing sites. During those times when I was about to take the exam, I felt awful, anxious, nervous and at the same time depressed because this is the first time that I had to take an exam more than once. Since then, I have considered Emerald Avenue as an "unfriendly" place. If there is a term that exists for fear of Emerald Avenue, I think that will be my phobia!

Now that I have achieved the score (woohoo! natupad na pangarap!) that I need in that f*cking exam, I went there to face my fear. I went through my routine when I would go there to take the exam. Rode a bus, alighted in North Avenue MRT Station to take an FX to Emerald then alighted at the back of Strata 2000 in Pasig. I walked along the avenue and ate at Chowking where I would usually eat before the exam. In my 3 exams, I would order their breakfast meal but would not be able to finish even half of it. But this afternoon, I was able to eat 2 pieces of siopao, and I wanted more! I passed the time reading PT Books at Starbucks. Stayed there until 5pm because this is usually the time when I would finish the entire exam and would take the bus home to Valenzuela. While inside the bus, I would feel like a dead battery and my whole being would worry about the subjective scoring of the Speaking and Writing Sections of the TOEFL iBT that I had just taken. But today, while traveling home, I was smiling, I was singing, I ngorkzzzzzzz, slept inside the bus because there was nothing to worry.... then I opened my eyes and remembered.... Powtek, dami pala ko kelangan basahin para sa NPTE! Hehe, doze back to sleep because I know I can tolerate reviewing for this exam (NPTE) more 'cause this is objectively scored!

Before leaving Emerald Avenue, I muttered these words while walking.... "Emerald Avenue, I won't come back here to take the TOEFL iBT again! The next time I would go here I would probably just visit you and won't feel a bit nervous at all! I am not afraid of you anymore! Hmp!" Hehe, if there is one thing that TOEFL iBT taught me, it is humility. I have been boastful, well to myself only naman, that I have taken the PT local boards once and passed, the Nursing local boards once and passed, so as NCLEX and IELTS. I didn't take the TOEFL iBT seriously when I first took it thinking I could pass it on one take but boom!!! It exploded right in front of my face! Hinde tuloy napigil ni Jen na sabihin sa akin na wag daw kasi akong mayabang! Korek! Kaya sorry naman!

On another story.... yesterday, my friend Maricel called me up and asked me if I could lend her money. Hmmnn, that seemed unusual? I nearly cried because I thought she was in dire need of money 'cause her family is facing a crisis now. Told her of course I would lend her, though I was short of moolah 'cause I shopped yesterday for gifts for more than 10 godchildren. She said she would need it today.

When we met, she was carrying a big paper bag with a big gift. Asked her for whom it was, she showed me the card that came with it. It read:

To: ellyn
iloveyousomuch and merry christmas

I stopped reading after that iloveyousomuch thingy. Yuck sabi ko, bakit me ganun sya sa akin? Hahahaha! Maricel said this gift is from Jen! Goodness! Turned out Jen connived with her to buy me this gift! Hahaha! At sabi daw ni Jen pabayaran daw muna sa akin, leche! Hahaha! Shet, I thought it was a Barbie Doll.... but the box is too big for that kaya biglang parang gusto kong himatayin dahil alam ko namention ko ang Blythe doll minsan ke Jen! OMFG!!! Libo ang babayaran ko pagnagkataon!!! Baka rubber shoes? Imposible, nasa Houston pa ang bago kong sapatos! So I opened a flap and saw it is a toy cash register!!!! WOW!!! Kaching, kaching! Hahaha, I admit, this is a dream come true! Hahaha! I have been eyeing to buy this toy for so long but everytime I see it, I would think twice whether to buy it or not 'cause it's too pricey, hehe! Tightwad-ness strikes! I would play this toy with Danielle when she comes home in January but anak you will be the buyer and Tita would be the cashier ha? Hehe! I hope she won't ask me for this toy.... huhu, it will break my heart... hahaha!

Thank you very much by! I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!
Oo na, hinde ka party pooper, and I hate it!!!

What could this be?

Huwow! Parang bata, haha!

Dream come true, echos!

What took you so long?

But what the hell, as long as you arrived! I only needed 26 but You have given me a much higher one! Salamat kahit masyado ng late! Hehe!





After 5 takes at 3 rescores yan, whew!

Now I can really sing this with all my heart.

I'm so excited
And I just can't hide it

I'M ABOUT TO LOSE CONTROL AND I THINK I LIKE IT

I'm so excited
And I just can't hide it

I know
I know
I know
I know
I know

I WANT YOU
I WANT YOU

Aral na talaga itu starting Monday!
Looking forward to it, really!

I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH by!
Hala, pag-uwi mo nag-aaral na naman ako! hehe!

D.A.B.D.A.

Whenever I go through Kubler Ross' Grieving Stages, I usually skip the first, DENIAL! Madali kasi akong tumanggap ng katotohanan kaya talon na ako sa pangalawa, ANGER! Tulad ngaun, I am so very furious! Hinde ko alam kung kanino o saan, basta galit ako! At napagbalingan ko ang lesbiyanang bumubuntot sa akin kanina sa mall, na kung ewan ko ba kung ano'ng meron sa likod ko at halos mayapos na nya ako! Sa sobrang lapit nya natapakan pa nya ang tsinelas ko! I looked back and stared at her which punched a hole right into her head! She said sorry and walked pass through me. Pagdating sa escalator, aba hinintay ako at pinauuna pa! Haller! Lumipat ako sa kabilang side para dedmahin ang pagkagentlewoman nya! I had to go to the 3rd floor of the mall but decided to take the stairs, hmmn that is another story I have to tackle.... as much as I can, I really stay away from "moving stairs!" Dumb of me! Anyway, so when I was about to climb, this lesbian girl was behind me again! I can even feel the air coming out of her nose, that's how near she was to me! So I stopped, looked at her and said.... "please, by all means, go ahead!!!" Yeah, I speak in English when I'm mad.

BARGAINING would be the third stage at ayaw ko ng makipagbargain this time! Lagi na lang bang may kapalit? Bakit, sa mga ginawa kong mabuti dati hinde naman ako humingi ng kapalit ah? I do not want to sound godly or pious cause I commit mistakes every now and then but can't I take something for gratis? Sooo depressing, so I'm already on the fourth? DEPRESSION? How fast! Just this afternoon I'm angry, now I'm depressed! Well, inability to sleep, lack of appetite, uninterested in human interaction are some of the signs that I am depressed and I think I have them all right now! "Waiter, Prozac please!"

I doubt it that I will reach the final stage, ACCEPTANCE! Lagi na lang bang dapat tanggapin kung anong andyan na? Wow! Hinde ba pwedeng tumanggap na kung anuman ang hiningi? For the first time in my life, I have uttered these words profoundly.... sabi ko, "bahala Ka na! Itinataas ko lahat ng galit ko Sa'yo! Tutal kahit anong gawa ko kung wala Ka namang awang ibibigay e balewala ang effort ko! Bahala Ka na, Ikaw din naman ang masusunod sa bandang huli!" Did that just sound blasphemous?

I usually don't cry! Matigas nga daw ako sabi ng ama ko, walang pakialam sa mundo! But when I see Jen's face and feel her longingness to be with me... to know that she is there all by herself.... to realize she is singly working for the two of us.... I let all my guards down! I know, I know! I should be the stronger version of myself at this point in time, but I AM ONLY HUMAN. My anthropoid-like emotions come out when I see and think of Jen. My Jen, my precious Jen. I know that in less than 3 months, we will be together again but I know I will die when she leaves! I do not want to afflict her of bad vibes and I don't want to be the crab in her life. I'd rather have her spread her wings and chase her dreams than to choose being with me and sink down a pool of shit!

This isn't a suicide note, not a break up letter neither.... just ranting.

I hope Jen doesn't read this.