"The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."
-- Allan K. Chalmers

I have the second and the third essentials but the first one is lacking. Is that the reason why I am not happy? Hmmn?! I think I have underestimated my time and finances that is why I am in this deep shit! Meaning I am wallowing in sadness. I don't want to drag anybody with me, especially Jen. If I become idle for a long time I become destructive so I want to get away from people whom I love. I think it is what I call the "sparing-my-loved-ones-from-my-hurt" kinda thing. Having nothing to do gives me so much time to overanalyze things which turns me into a lunatic! I tend to keep in me all my present and future burdens so it gets unbearable sometimes. It's not because I don't have somebody to share my worries with, it's just who I am. I grew up that way. That is the downside of being an only child I guess?

Oh well, this too shall pass. One day if I get to read this post once again, I'd be laughing my ass off thinking how superficial I am right now... well I hope.